My Darling Daughters; This is The Most Important Thing I have Learned

My Beautiful Girls,

There is something I want to give you that took me many years to learn—not because I wasn’t capable, but because I wasn’t taught.

You are allowed to say what you need.

Not hint at it.

Not wait for it to be noticed.

Not test love by withholding your voice.

Say it.

For a long time in my life, I believed that if someone truly cared, they would just know. And when they didn’t, I went quiet. I pulled away. I waited, hoping distance would create understanding.

It never did.

Silence did not protect me.

It drained me.

And it drained the people I loved.

Here is the truth I want you to carry instead:

Unspoken needs don’t get met. They get misunderstood.

When you don’t speak, people don’t suddenly become more perceptive—they become confused. And confusion is where resentment quietly grows.

I also want you to know this, very clearly:

Speaking your needs is not confrontation.

It is not conflict.

It is not asking for too much.

It is self-respect.

You do not need to disappear to be taken seriously.

You do not need to withdraw to prove you are hurt.

You do not need to punish silence with silence.

Your voice is enough.

When you say, calmly and honestly,

“This is what I need,”

you give the other person a choice—not a test.

Sometimes they will meet you there.

Sometimes they won’t.

Both answers give you information.

And here is something I wish someone had told me sooner:

Not having a need met is painful—but not knowing where you stand is far more damaging.

If someone cannot meet a need you express, that does not mean you were wrong to ask. It means you now get to decide what is right for you—with clarity, not confusion.

You never need to manipulate love.

You never need to shrink to keep peace.

You never need to abandon yourself to stay connected.

Real connection can withstand honesty.

And if honesty costs you a relationship, then that relationship required your silence to survive—and that is too high a price.

I want you to grow into women who trust your voice.

Women who do not confuse endurance with strength.

Women who know that love does not require guesswork.

Say what you need.

Listen to the response.

And choose yourself with integrity.

With all the love I have,

Mom ❤️