The ‘F#ck It Bucket’: When Emotion Leads & Logic Lags~

There is a difference between acting on emotion and acting with intention. For a long time, I didn’t know that difference. I reacted out of pain, fear, and confusion, believing that my emotional responses were justified simply because they were honest. But honesty without reflection can be dangerous.

I’ve recently been revisiting the past — not to dwell, but to understand. I saw patterns in my behavior that I couldn’t see in the moment. I saw the consequences of reacting too quickly, too harshly, and too emotionally. I used to say “f*** it” when I felt overwhelmed — but I never stopped to ask myself who I was really saying it to.

That moment of clarity came when someone asked me:

“Are you saying f** it to yourself — or to your children? Your partner? Your family? The people who love you?”*

It hit me like a wall. Because I wasn’t giving up on just myself. I was pushing away everyone who cared for me. I was hurting the very people I claimed to love — not out of cruelty, but out of fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, fear of being forgotten.

I blamed myself for everything and punished myself in silence. But that didn’t undo the damage. What I learned is this: you cannot love others well when you’re actively destroying yourself. You cannot protect innocence while you’re acting from trauma. You cannot grow if you refuse to take responsibility.

I’ve hurt people. I own that now. But I’ve also grown — and I now choose my words and actions with care. I’ve learned how to sit with discomfort rather than lashing out. I’ve learned to ask myself, “Is this love or is this fear?”

Today, I live differently. I think before I speak. I process before I act. I parent, love, and connect from a place of awareness, not emotional chaos. I can’t change the past — but I can protect my peace, my children, and my future by doing better. And I am.

This is my truth, my accountability, and my growth. May it serve anyone who needs the reminder that change is possible — and that doing the right thing starts the moment you decide to.